Which Way Do I Go?

Which Way Do I Go?

  “Hope and Fear cannot occupy the same space, invite one to stay.”

Maya Angelou

Question:  Was she right,  can a person not experience Hope and Fear together at the same time?  One might say that is debatable, especially during this time.  We are all in a state of uncertainty, right now. Everyday is another day that feels like it’s no different than the last, you know like groundhog day.  We wake up into our new normal, doing things to try and keep us sane mentally, to keep us going physically, to keep us grounded emotionally and uplifted spiritually, for whatever that means to you.  

Many are being affected directly as well as indirectly on a daily basis, with hope and fear.  Fear of getting sick and Hope that you are taking the proper measures to ensure that, yup,  you don’t get sick. Then hoping if you do, that you will survive while at the same time again fearing what if you’ve passed it on to someone and hoping you didn’t!  Some of us are living in fear and hope for our family members or friends who are being exposed to this on a daily basis, not just for their physical health but for their mental health.  Then what about those of us who do have family or friends who’ve tested positive… does Hope and Fear not live within them and us at this time?  I can absolutely say YES with resound to all of the above.

We are Hoping that this will pass soon but at the same time in fear of how much longer can this last?  How much can you take, your family, your kids, your mate/partner/spouse. Fear of what it is doing to our economy as well as to you financially. All while hoping this great place we call home will bounce back from this. What about our elderly family members who already live with a certain level of anxiety due to inabilities that come with age/health concerns and now this! If we don’t live with them we can’t go see them and we hope they remain safe and try not to fear the worst.

So here we are day number ___ (you fill in the blank depending on where you are). Is this a glimpse into what life may be like going forward. Will it be safe once we can return to social un-distancing? (yes, I know that is not a word)  For us in the Tri-state area that includes the fear of traveling to and from work via public transportation or moving in and out of our vast highly populated buildings that we not only live in but also work in.  For me that fear also includes hopping on and off a plane again for work surrounded by many people going from place to place. Literally thinking how airlines have been making up ways to optimize as much space as possible on planes so they can get MORE people on there. Mmmm.. Maybe they should figure out how to go back to giving us more space so we aren’t crammed on top of each other literally. What about the clean up that’s suppose to happen between flights…. mmm. Are airlines seriously taking different precautions in cleaning up each plane thoroughly instead of that quick run through they call clean….. You’ve seen it, I definitely have seen it, in their efforts to be the “leading on time airline in departures”…… Just saying. Then there’s the Hope and Fear that people who have to travel with, will respect the extra delays or precautions that the airlines my enforce. Will every person respect themselves and you enough to wear a mask.

Take a moment and ask yourself a question: What’s more important the time it takes to clean a plane which may mean fewer flights going out a day or the inconvenience of wearing a mask, or the time you and your family can’t get back if you or someone you love gets sick from a virus that does not seem to be going anywhere?

On a different spectrum are you hoping that this will not make you into a germaphobe or a bigger one than you already are. Will we become paranoid about being around others, skeptical (fearful) of anyone who sneezes or coughs ever again.  Will shaking hands become obsolete, a thing of the past. What about hugs from friends and sometimes people we may just meet. Will we have to walk around in gloves and a mask as part of our attire like wearing a jacket or hat. And if that is the case how will we react to the person who is not adhering to these rules/standards. Is there hope and fear that the authorities of this country we live in which is supposed to be the land of the free….where all things are created equally for all men/people, treat all demographics and races with respect, dignity and hold everyone to the same standards.

Do we hope people have learned compassion and will care enough not only for themselves but for others as well by taking precautions. I personally hope the fear of all that we are going through right now brings us closer together as a community/neighborhood/city/state/nation but I fear in some cases it may do the opposite and pull us apart. I can definitely say for the few times I may be scrolling on IG or Facebook, listening to the news or randomly being sent something by a friend: Humans are very interesting beings. In a time when we should absolutely be respecting each other as part of the same race, going through the same thing at the exact same time, you get to see the true colors you may have never known were in folks or maybe you were in question of its existence.

Right now on a scale of 1-10 Hope and Fear are probably both measuring at a 20 or higher. Just turn on the TV or listen to the radio or read the paper/news online.  We are experiencing a time that is very uncommon, full of uncertainty, unknowns and huge lack of control. Hell, even when things/times really felt like or were out of control in our lives, for whatever the reason, I bet we had more control than we do now. THIS we absolutely are not used too. None of us are. From the people working tirelessly on a daily basis trying to saves lives, to those trying to service the community with deliveries, working at food banks, grocery stores, the pharmacy, the sanitation and transportation teams or our educators working from home. Let me personally say THANK YOU to those whom I personally know who fit this bill, family members and friends as well as the 1000’s of others who I don’t know. YOUR SACRIFICE IS THE GREATEST OF ALL AND MUCH APPRECIATED!

What about all the people who aren’t working from home, who are completely without a job. Are they not living within Hope and Fear having absolutely no idea what the future holds for them. Hoping maybe even praying for this to end soon. Will they have a job to go back to, will an unemployment check along with the stimulus check promised by the government help to feed their families and maintain their lives? Will it be enough? Majority of us weren’t set up to survive for a few days, weeks let alone a month or so without working. We don’t have thousands of dollars in the bank to take care of us while we sit still. Even though sitting still is an actual matter of life or death there also is an absolute fear of not knowing how long this will last. It has us on edge, uneasy, anxious, worried, impatient, yearning to get back to a job you might not even like going to on a daily basis, but you see the value in it.

The words Hope and Fear are not new to our vocabulary. They are words we’ve lived with for as early as we can remember learning about them. You can relate hope and fear to the simple things in life like looking for a job, finding your size during a sale, buying a car, picking out the “right” outfit for a special event, going on vacation, how about even taking a photo.  Well, with digital cameras our hope vs fear that the photo is to our liking can be addressed a bit more immediately. But you get my point. At least I hope so. (pun intended). Hope and fear are a part of our existence; sometimes they are just more prevalent in certain situations. 

Some could argue that hope vs fear OR hope and fear can’t be spoken without the word anxiety.

Anxiety: noun

1. a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.

After reading the above definition you might agree that anxiety can be a byproduct of hope or fear. 

Let’s go back to the thought of looking for a job: the Hope – Fear – Anxiety of it all. 

First you start by hoping your resume gets selected for an interview, then hoping you nail the interview but being fearful that you didn’t at the same time.  And if you don’t get the job or hear back from them…… oh the fear that leads to the downward spiral of what did I do wrong. Why didn’t they like me, the conversation in our heads about how you must have a lack of skills, what’s wrong with me etc.  Any of this sound familiar? Or what about the hope and fear we have when you send your kids off to school, hoping they have a great day, learn something, make friends and more importantly that they come home in one piece.  

Guess what?  That dance of Hope and Fear play over and over in other parts of our life on a daily basis.  It all started from birth with the relationships or lack thereof with our parents. Then it progresses to our school teachers and classmates, making its way into the workforce and of course within our relationships.  Think about it: we start to have that same conversation when it comes to people we are dating or want to date, right down to the person/s who might become your partner.  What about our feelings about our children, friends, sisters, brothers, cousins, co-workers and bosses you name it. Hope and Fear can dominate our thinking which feeds our soul and becomes a soundtrack for our emotions with people and situations. 

So what am I saying…… What am I asking you to do? Are hope and fear something you can get rid of, do without, turn off or simply forget?  

Absolutely Not!  

News Flash: we are humans, with minds that wander and real feelings of emotion that arise and can take us on roller coaster after roller coaster ride. (FYI: some rides are better than others)  Who you are today is a product of where you came from; a product of exactly how Hope and Fear were etched into our being from birth through childhood (the developmental years) right into your adult life.  And it’s not over – You are currently being groomed by Hope and Fear everyday that we take to follow the stay at home orders, to protect not only ourselves but our loved ones, to protect those whom we don’t even know.

So although we can’t turn Hope and Fear off, for as long as we walk this earth in every situation we encounter solo or involving others Hope and Fear will arise along with Anxiety.  However, let me remind you of Maya Angelou’s words: INVITE one to stay. 

We each have the power to choose!  Do we allow Hope to be our soundtrack or Fear.  Anxiety will abound with either, but will it be full of what can go right or with what can go wrong? Hell maybe there will be a mixture… who knows. Give yourself permission to acknowledge both sides of the fence, coin, tracks, scenario etc. Write it down, talk it out or maybe you can take on the little act I learned from one of my favorite TV Shows “This Is Us” – Worst Case Scenario.  Where you get to go to the extremest end of what could be And SAY IT OUT LOUD preferably to another person who can also offer up their version. Then together or solo you choose to turn the levels down and see what you come up with.

No one is saying fear doesn’t exist or that you can get rid of it. But just the opposite, acknowledge your fears, all of them. I’m pretty sure we can’t exist without both hope and fear.  But, just maybe if fear seems to be taking over your thought process try letting the light of what could be shine through the darkness of what it can’t. Give the gift of love, kindness, compassion, patience and empathy a chance to allow hope to be the leader in your scenario.  Believe that your Fears could be and very well may be real but Trust so are your Hopes. Power your hope with love, passion, affection, kindness and more.  

Fear and Hope are like Clark Kent and Superman, a little one in the same – yet different. We can try to survive something based off of fear or we can survive using hope because we know why we want to. It’s the WHY that let’s hope win and the why not that can push fear away. I had the privilege of listening LIVE to my mentor Ms. Oprah Winfrey this morning and ironically she mentioned this b same quote by Maya Angelou . She also said the following which I believe is a quote of another person, but I didn’t catch who said it “Fear is a mood to be worked through not a voice to be obeyed” (PS she doesn’t know she is a mentor to me, Hey Ms O!). Yes we are going to have fear and we should acknowledge those fears. Wee can seek out assistance to help guide us through those fears. We can talk about our fears with those whom we trust and love, hoping they they trust, love and respect you enough to protect your feelings even when given you honest answers.

I have been writing this post for over 30 days now, literally taking time to trace my thoughts, my feelings and how I wanted to express myself as I share this with the world. I believe true writing takes times, it involves a thought process, rereading, cutting, pasting, pondering and more. Anyone can quickly type words on a page or screen. But what are you really saying, are you being authentic or are you just saying something to be heard/seen. Today I woke up in a different state of mind, today I came face to face with some of my own hopes and fears. I resolved last night today would be the day I FINALLY get this post out. Today the Universe sent me 2 different messages that it was time. So thank you for taking the time to read, share and comment.

We may not know what the future brings. We may have many fears, hopes, moments of anxiety, restlessness and more. However I invite you to remember this: If you are reading this, you are here! If you are listening to this because someone is reading it to you, you are here! Being here is better than the alternative, even within our new norm. Which means if you are here you still have an opportunity to choose.

I leave you with this: No matter what the situation or scenario you may face in life, Remember: “Hope and Fear cannot occupy the same space, invite one to stay.”